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Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Who Will? I Will!

I shall pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.—Mahatma Gandhi
With the school year rapidly coming to a close, producing a bumper crop of High School graduates; I was asked to write a column about youth volunteering to make our world a better place. With the recent story of out of control girls pummeling a classmate senseless and local knuckleheads spitting on a woman’s car, one might be tempted to believe the worst; but as with most things, our youth receive a mixed report card. A number of economists and sociologists have noted that both income and education levels are diverging, with smaller numbers of people having more of both these things. Like the connection between education and income level, there are similar connections between education, income level and volunteerism.
According to a study by the Corporation for National and Community Service, 59% of non-disadvantaged youth volunteer, while youth from disadvantaged homes have a volunteer rate of 43%, and have lower rates of participation in service learning or school civic clubs. However, it is disadvantaged youth that have more to gain, and they possibly get more from volunteering. It is not my intent to republish the results of this study, but I find it interesting that youth from disadvantaged households are more likely to volunteer with religious organizations, and they are most likely to volunteer when asked by a teacher.
Youth volunteerism is on the rise, and the value of that free labor is estimated to be worth over 34 billion dollars (yes, that’s “billion” with a “b”) per year. These youth are more likely to discuss politics, more likely to believe they can make a difference in the world, more likely to believe they can graduate from college and are 3.5 times more likely to volunteer in the next year. Parents, if you need just one reason to nudge your child to volunteer, how about the fact that a child that volunteers just one hour a week is 50% less likely to abuse drugs, alcohol, cigarettes or engage in destructive behavior?
Before we all overdose on a picture made of sweetness and light, may I remind everyone that teenage violence is also up; whether one measures the violence by numbers of incidents, or by the level of that violence. I point this out to drive home my original assertion we are seeing a divergence in society in which education, income level and volunteerism are connected, not by cause and effect, but in a correlational relationship.
In 1997, only 37% of American adults believed children would make the world a better place, and 61% believed youth faced a moral and ethical crisis and viewed them as undisciplined, disrespectful and unfriendly. However, as of 2004, youth volunteered at a rate over double the rate adults did, and the rate older teens volunteer is double the rate of older teens from 1989. While we might pause to pat ourselves on the back, our time would be better spent patting the volunteering youth of our nation on the back.
If you wish to do something powerful for your child, your community and your nation, encourage your children to volunteer. The best way you can encourage volunteerism is to volunteer to work with them. We have a number of local organizations that could use your help, and I will highlight some of them next week. In the meantime, if you need somewhere to apply you time and talents, email me and I will be happy to provide some local suggestions.

Tagline: Mark Altman is a speaker and leadership consultant with the Altman Leadership Center. He has graduate work in Marriage and Family Counseling, is currently working on a PhD in Leadership studies at Gonzaga University, and is more than happy to speak to your group or organization. He can be reached at mark@taolc.com.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Aging Gracefully

Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend - or a meaningful day.—Dalai Lama
Last week we talked about knowing when a parent needs change from total independence to needing some sort of assistance and then knowing what that assistance might be. Few of us want to be dependent on someone else, especially when that dependence seems to signal the twilight of one’s life. This week I am going to outline some of the options for care and provide a couple of websites to get more information. As with most columns, I realize this advice is neither original nor particularly complicated, but the value, if any, comes from knowing where to get additional information and the realization that you are not alone, whether you are the caregiver, or the person receiving care.
As I usually suggest in these columns, deciding as a family what the goal is should come first. Is the goal to have medical science squeeze every last day out of life, or is the goal a more natural end of life where the person is as pain-free as possible, while maintaining the dignity of the elderly? This decision is highly personal and shouldn’t be pushed, but many of the subsequent decisions depend upon the answer to this first question.
Many people have the laudable goal of keeping one’s parents or other loved ones in the home with them and feel guilty if that goal isn’t met. Let me suggest that vision is not only not practical in society for most families; it is rarely good for either the family, or the person being cared for. Studies consistently show that for most families the caregiver(s) incurs great strains in emotional, physical, and financial terms. Accordingly, the care provided is often not as capable as a professional might be able to give.
If assistance is deemed necessary for an elderly person, there are a number of options, from in home care to semi-independent living centers to full care centers. Again, using one or more of the resources listed below is a good place to start. After a decision is made as to what type of care is needed, consistent effort will be required to find the best care possible and then staying available to ensure the emotional and physical well being of your loved one.
Many families live far away from the elderly person requiring a little help or a lot of care. This means a greater challenge than when families live close by; however, many of the steps to providing care are the same. First, gather all the information you can: doctors, neighbors, friends and other family members can all provide perspective. Start early and be proactive. Make sure you have phone numbers (a local phone book can be a great help), medical records, financial and legal documents, should all be kept secure but easily accessible in case of an emergency.
Ask for help. In almost any town there are professionals who can provide advice and counseling for the elderly person and the caregiver. Pay attention to the signs of depression in both parties and don’ t be shy about asking for help. Be sensitive to the desires of the elderly person requiring care, mostly because it’s the right thing to do; however, for the more practical among us, we will all find ourselves in our twilight.
Tagline: Mark Altman is a speaker and leadership consultant with the Altman Leadership Center. He is the author of a new book, Leadership For All the Mountains You Climb; it may be purchased at Barnes and Noble, Amazon and other on-line retailers. Mark can be reached at
mark@taolc.com.

The Future We Will All One Day Meet

Will you still need me, will you still feed me...When I'm sixty-four?”- Paul McCartney
This week I want to shift gears a bit and talk about something that affects and effects all families in modern society to an ever greater degree, how we care for our loved ones in the twilight of their lives. The first decision that has to be made concerning the loving care for our elderly is to determine when our loved ones need help. For the most fortunate among us, they need very little in the way of help other than the most strenuous of tasks.
The first step in this process then is to talk with your parents about how they envision ageing and what they want their future to look like. This should be a series of conversations, started long before they are necessary. This minimizes the stress and reluctance for both the parent and the adult child. Realize that just because someone gets older, they do not lose their right to make decisions; even decisions you disagree with. Of course, if dementia, depression, or mental illness is suspected then a visit to a gerontologist, meaning a doctor specializing in the care of the elderly, is certainly warranted.
Next, you should do an assessment of how the parent is ageing. Is their overall health good? Do they have hobbies and friends that keep them busy and engaged, mentally and physically? Can they dress, feed and care for themselves? When assessing if an elderly person can safely drive, keep in mind that number of cities have prosecuted elderly people for accidents if they really shouldn’t have been driving. Can they hear their smoke alarms, and can they get out of bed and out of the house in a timely manner if they have to?
Look at the support systems available to the person you are caring for. Do you live nearby or across the US? Do siblings or other willing family members live in town? Do they have access to a Senior Center for camaraderie and maybe counseling? Do they keep a list of emergency numbers near the phone and are they willing to use it?
Something that often complicates matters is if both parents are in need of care and still live together. While this certainly has many rewards, emotional and psychological chief among them, it can also be a great source of stress and a possible challenge. If one partner needs more care than the other, one spouse may try to do too much in caring for their beloved, and in the process hurt themselves. The difficulty of day in and day out care may cause long-term problems as well.
Over the next few weeks, I will continue to explore ageing and the challenges all parties in the process have to face. I will suggest local agencies for hands on help, but the AARP and eHow websites have a great deal of helpful information to get you started.
The great Bette Davis spoke with wisdom when she noted, “Old age is no place for sissies.” As I consistently counsel in these columns, please act with compassion and empathy toward children and the elderly, for surely we have each been in the former group and we all hope to reach the latter.
Tagline: Mark Altman is a speaker and leadership consultant with the Altman Leadership Center. He is the author of a new book, Leadership For All the Mountains You Climb; it may be purchased at Barnes and Noble, Amazon and other on-line retailers. Mark can be reached at
mark@taolc.com.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Dealing with Aging Parents

Will you still need me, will you still feed me...When I'm sixty-four?”- Paul McCartney
This week I want to shift gears a bit and talk about something that affects and effects all families in modern society to an ever greater degree, how we care for our loved ones in the twilight of their lives. The first decision that has to be made concerning the loving care for our elderly is to determine when our loved ones need help. For the most fortunate among us, they need very little in the way of help other than the most strenuous of tasks.
The first step in this process then is to talk with your parents about how they envision ageing and what they want their future to look like. This should be a series of conversations, started long before they are necessary. This minimizes the stress and reluctance for both the parent and the adult child. Realize that just because someone gets older, they do not lose their right to make decisions; even decisions you disagree with. Of course, if dementia, depression, or mental illness is suspected then a visit to a gerontologist, meaning a doctor specializing in the care of the elderly, is certainly warranted.
Next, you should do an assessment of how the parent is ageing. Is their overall health good? Do they have hobbies and friends that keep them busy and engaged, mentally and physically? Can they dress, feed and care for themselves? When assessing if an elderly person can safely drive, keep in mind that number of cities have prosecuted elderly people for accidents if they really shouldn’t have been driving. Can they hear their smoke alarms, and can they get out of bed and out of the house in a timely manner if they have to?
Look at the support systems available to the person you are caring for. Do you live nearby or across the US? Do siblings or other willing family members live in town? Do they have access to a Senior Center for camaraderie and maybe counseling? Do they keep a list of emergency numbers near the phone and are they willing to use it?
Something that often complicates matters is if both parents are in need of care and still live together. While this certainly has many rewards, emotional and psychological chief among them, it can also be a great source of stress and a possible challenge. If one partner needs more care than the other, one spouse may try to do too much in caring for their beloved, and in the process hurt themselves. The difficulty of day in and day out care may cause long-term problems as well.
Over the next few weeks, I will continue to explore ageing and the challenges all parties in the process have to face. I will suggest local agencies for hands on help, but the AARP and eHow websites have a great deal of helpful information to get you started.
The great Bette Davis spoke with wisdom when she noted, “Old age is no place for sissies.” As I consistently counsel in these columns, please act with compassion and empathy toward children and the elderly, for surely we have each been in the former group and we all hope to reach the latter.
Tagline: Mark Altman is a speaker and leadership consultant with the Altman Leadership Center. He is the author of a new book, Leadership For All the Mountains You Climb; it may be purchased at Barnes and Noble, Amazon and other on-line retailers. Mark can be reached at
mark@taolc.com.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Birds and the Bees

Because of the passions ignited over the topic of sex education in schools (no pun intended, ok, yes it is intended, I couldn’t resist) I have purposely tried to avoid putting a dog in the fight. However, in the last two weeks two major studies have come out providing strong evidence for both the necessity and the efficacy of formal sex education.
The first study, says 1 in 4 teenage girls has at least one sexually transmitted disease. This study was reviewed in the Press a week or so ago and sends the blunt message that “abstinence only” sex-ed messages don’t work. The study was national in scope with the data extrapolated from a study conducted in 2003-04. For girls who admitted to being sexually active, the rate jumps to 40 percent, with the majority of those having contracted HPV or human papillomavirus, the virus that can lead to cervical cancer.
The second study used data from a 2002 survey but used a bigger sample of participants; about 1700 of them answered questions about their sexual activity and the kinds of sex education they have received. Teens that have had formal sex education had lower pregnancy rates than kids who had either abstinence only sex education or no sex education at all. While studies have consistently shown abstinence only programs to be less effective in reducing the onset of sexual activity and the pregnancy rates of teens, than formal sex education; this is the first national study to compare the effects of comprehensive sex-ed and abstinence-only education, according to Pamela K. Kohler, of the Center for AIDS and STD at the University of Washington in Seattle.
I realize there are parents who are not a fan of the schools teaching sex education, and if we are talking about the schools doing the entire job themselves then I agree. However, much as I try to use a hammer when I want to hit a nail, and a screwdriver when I wish to tighten a screw, I believe in both parents and teachers doing the part of this job to which they are best suited. In practical terms, this means parents taking the lead by teaching the moral, philosophical, and possible life changing implications of sexual activities, while professionally trained teachers provide accurate, fact based biology and physiology lessons.
Parents have a number of challenges to overcome in order to provide biology and physiology lessons themselves, not the least of which is having accurate information available to pass on. The next challenge is the communication of that information. Parents and their teens are often embarrassed by having conversations about sex and associated behaviors. This embarrassment is usually a barrier to conveying much needed information, information that can impact the health and well being of all our children.
For these reasons and likely a number of others, many parents are doing a very poor job of holding up their end of the bargain. Parents, if you fail to do this job adequately your child can have their life derailed or even ended before it can begin. Please maintain a positive relationship with your kids, do your research, and ask for help if you need it. The stakes are too high to do any less.
Tagline: Mark Altman is a speaker and leadership consultant with the Altman Leadership Center. Mark has completed graduate work in Marriage and Family Counseling and is working on a PhD in Leadership studies at Gonzaga University. He is happy to speak or provide a workshop for your organization and can be reached at
mark@taolc.com.