Conflict Resolution

This week we have seen truly historic events in the stock market causing everyone from wealthy Wall-Street types to those of us with more modest means no small amount of concern over where our economy is headed. I should state at the outset that I am not, nor do I wish to be, an expert in either economics or financial planning; however, I wish to pass on some tips to help families get closer and maybe save a little money at the same time.
Until the 1950’s, entertainment in the family was largely of our own making. Many people played musical instruments or sang, and parlor games of all types were popular. In the 50’s movies became much more affordable to most people and of course TVs found their way into every home. From the 1990’s until now, the number of electronic devices in our homes and the amount of extracurricular events for school-agers has increased exponentially. These have had the effect of greatly diminishing the amount of time families spend together.
The economy, for all the negative effect people have seen and are likely to see, may have the positive effect of bringing us all closer to home for a time. I suggest we use this time wisely, but if we are to do that please keep these things in mind:
1. The stress you are feeling is felt by everyone in your family and is best dealt with by getting plenty of rest, eating healthy, and getting more exercise, but mainly talking about the challenges you face as a family.
2. There are inexpensive alternatives to going to the latest blockbuster, TV, and the Internet; such as popping popcorn and watching a movie at home, doing a family art project or just looking over old family pictures and telling the stories that go with those pictures.
3. If that is not enough interaction for you, then how about picking a classic play by Shakespeare, Arthur Miller or any other favorite play that has a few parts. You can simply read the play with everyone taking a part or you can actually act it out.
4. I have suggested you hold family meetings every week or so, and during difficult times these meetings are even more helpful. I am not suggesting unloading parental budgetary problems on the elementary age kids with the admonishment, “Sell more pencils on your corners kids!” However, an age appropriate conversation about national economics or even scaling back on family spending and reassuring your kids that finances have been tough before but everything will be fine can certainly be helpful.
Crisis tend to either pull us apart or pull us together no matter what organization we are in; work, family, community, etc. One of the biggest factors in the direction we go is how directly, how honestly, and how compassionately we talk to each other. Make this a time all of you look back and remember a time when your family pulled together and became closer.

Mark Altman is a speaker and leadership consultant with the Altman Leadership Center. He has graduate work in Marriage and Family Counseling and is working on a PhD in Leadership studies at Gonzaga University. He can be reached at mark@taolc.com.

Birthdays in the Age of Facebook

My 44th birthday was last week and I received over 100 well wishes and birthday cards. Some of these kindnesses came from relatives, friends, old Army buddies and former high school classmates I haven’t seen in 25 years. I am grateful to each of them for remembering me in their busy lives. I will say this task is made a good bit easier for all of us, now that the social networking sites are all the rage.
A quick word of caution is in order: I realize these sites have a downside, especially for kids who are allowed unsupervised access to them. I would no more suggest unsupervised Internet access to kids, than I would suggest handing a teenager car keys without providing Driver’s Ed and a lot of supervision. On the upside, you can share everything from new baby pictures, family vacation videos to an electronic birthday card, which brings me back to the point of my column for the week.
As I mentioned, my birthday was last week; and while my birthday has never caused me any consternation, I do enjoy hearing well wishes from family members and friends, new and old. Having birthday cake and ice cream around the house for a few days is certainly welcome as well. While we haven’t figured out how to send each other cake and ice cream over the Internet, social networking sites are a great way to pass on, as well as receive, greetings and updates.
In our current society, there are very few of us who have both our immediate and extended families close by, and when you include close friends accumulated over the years, the chances really go down. Because of my military career and extensive travelling, I have friends on every continent except the Arctic and Antarctica, so keeping up with them has become much easier thanks to the networking sites. In addition, as a speaker and consultant I keep in touch with business contacts on these sites as well.
Of course, you may find a downside in that you can never live down throwing up in science class in high school, too much partying in college, or any number of other minor transgressions and embarrassing moments. The upside is these stories, told in and outside our families, serve to provide a backdrop for our story in relationship with each other.
On the whole, I have tried diligently to address the shortcomings I perceived in my character while I was growing up, especially in high school. However, over the week leading up to my birthday I was very pleasantly surprised to find that a few times I managed to rise above the all too often immature, selfish person I was, to actually have a positive impact on the life of a friend or family member. It is unlikely any of these people would have told me in any media other than a message over the Internet.
Our lives, individually and sociologically, are changing at an ever-increasing pace; and while raging against the storm has its own virtue, I maintain technology is a tool that can benefit us or hurt us depending upon how skillfully the tool is used. I encourage you to view these sites as a wonderful tool to cut the time and distance that societal demands too often necessitate. Besides, the website’s calendar feature will earn you brownie points with your Mom when you remember not just her birthday, but Aunt Agnes’ birthday as well.
Mark Altman is a speaker and leadership consultant with the Altman Leadership Center. He has graduate work in Marriage and Family Counseling and is the author of Leadership For All the Mountains You Climb. He can be reached at mark@taolc.com.

Valentine's Day- Cupid's Second Arrow

“Love may make the world go round, but it is romantic love that makes the ride worthwhile.” – Gary Godeck

With Mr. Godeck’s encouragement, we begin. As I pointed out last week, according to Dr. Chapman, there are five love languages: physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and gift giving. This week I am going to provide some ideas for each gender for each of the love languages, but before we go further, it is important to figure out which love language your lover hears.

One way to figure that out would be to do the questionnaire in Dr. Chapman’s book, but if that isn’t possible on such short notice, then you can think back to the reactions you might have received in the past with other romantic gestures. In the event you have do not have experience to rely on, then use that as an excuse to try one idea from each category.

The first love language we will look at is the one most of us think of at Valentine’s Day: gift giving. You could just give flowers or candy, but let’s borrow a line from Emeril Lagasse and “Kick it up a notch”, not in terms of cost but merely in thought. So instead of just buying flowers, buy an assortment of specialty teas or coffee to warm her tummy the way she warms your heart. Buying him something for a hobby and arranging for him to have the time to use the new thing you bought is always a winner.

The next love language is words of affirmation, meaning say nice things to and about your partner. In this case, find one of Shakespeare’s sonnets and copy it in your own hand with a note at the bottom. Or write a letter patterned after the Civil War letter by Sullivan Ballou; easily one of the most romantic letters ever penned.

Physical touch is often mistakenly limited to sexual intimacy. My example here, for him or her, is to arrange an evening of soft music, low light, a platter of fruit, wine if you like (and are of legal drinking age), and a warm bottle of massage oil.

Acts of service usually are the easiest to come up with, but are sometimes the hardest to actually pull off. If you perform an act of service, it ceases to be service if you demand, or even ask for, something in return. Especially if you have children, preparing your wife a relaxing bath with scented candlelight and a favorite book or music while you take care of the evening’s chores such as post dinner kitchen cleanup is always a hit. Ancient wisdom says, “The way to a man’s heart is his stomach” (or six inches lower), so servicing either or both of those desires fits the bill. Of course, this is assuming whatever you do isn’t at the expense of your responsibilities, you do not ask for anything in return, and it is done in a loving and cheerful spirit. See, it’s harder than it seems!

Last, but certainly not least, is quality time. This is spending time with your beloved, doing something they like to do, without answering a cell phone, email or watching TV (unless your partner wishes to watch something together, such as a movie). A better Texas answer is to roam the streets of Old Town Spring or Fredericksburg, or a weekend at a bed and breakfast. There are several local places you can do this quite reasonably.

Eloquence in the love languages and being romantic, come through practice and asking for kind feedback on your efforts. You won’t hit a homerun every time, but you will get better and it will be easier to identify romantic opportunities. “There isn’t any formula or method. You learn to love by loving.”- Aldous Huxley

Mark Altman is a speaker and leadership consultant with the Altman Leadership Center. He has graduate work in Marriage and Family Counseling and is the author of Leadership For All the Mountains You Climb. He can be reached at mark@taolc.com.

Cupid's Friend

“Any time not spent on love is wasted”- Torquato Tasso

We have once again come to that time of year that causes sweaty palms and makes men quail at the daunting task before them, and no, I’m not talking about figuring out what to do on a weekend without either hunting or football. I’m referring to what might be the most feared holiday of them all: Valentine’s Day.

I am going to write this week and next about this holiday and provide some help for those of you who either don’t observe Valentine’s Day, or those who every hope for that magical reaction when they hit their partner’s heart with Cupid’s arrow, only to find every year they are wide of their mark. For most of us, initially our crazy lives trump our desire to be more romantic, then over time we get out of practice and become embarrassed of our failure to treat our beloved the way we should. Instead of correcting our behavior, we attempt to convince ourselves the holiday, and its trappings don’t matter, eventually coming to believe that romance itself is unimportant.

Valentine’s Day has become a huge moneymaker for card companies, florists, and undergarment companies, to the tune of 17 billion dollars. For this reason many people are soured on this wonderful holiday much in the way we lament the commercialization of Christmas. I argue we shouldn’t throw Cupid out with the bathwater so to speak. Just because others commercialize the holiday is no reason we can’t use the day as an excuse to show our beloved how much we love and regard them.

The day used to be one primarily of men giving women cards and little gifts but with greater equality for women in society, a greater percentage of women give the object of their affection gifts as well. In keeping with this change in society, I will offer some thoughts for both men and women.

In many ways, Valentine’s Day is not so much about love as it is about romance. Romance may best be thought of as love in action, so Valentine’s Day is a day to EXPRESS your love. By now you are thinking, “But I don’t write well or speak eloquently like you do Mark”. Hey cut me some slack, there could be someone, somewhere, thinking it. On the off chance you are one of those people, let me provide some help.

Dr. Gary Chapman wrote The Five Love Languages, and in this book he proposes there are five ways each of us “speak” and “hear” love. These love languages are (in no particular order): physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and gift giving. You will notice that only one of the love languages, gift giving, costs money. If you are on a budget, or you are conducting a one person protest against commercialization, then speak one of the other love languages.

The point for this week is not which love language you speak, but the importance of speaking one or more of them. Valentine’s Day is both an excuse and a reminder to do something nice for someone that does nice things for us. Next week we will explore the love languages and I will provide some suggestions for each language on the big day. Stay tuned!

Mark Altman is a speaker and leadership consultant with the Altman Leadership Center. He has graduate work in Marriage and Family Counseling and is the author of Leadership For All the Mountains You Climb. He can be reached at mark@taolc.com.

Love and Logic- A Parental Oxymoron?

Last week, I began a parenting class called Love and Logic developed by Jim Fay and his son Charles Fay, PhD. And Dr. Foster Cline. The course is a seven week deal and in week one I have already found a few things to think about and at least one tool to put in my parenting tool bag. Many of you that know me (or read my column regularly) know that I have four kids and that they are, as of my writing this, 18, 15, and 14 year old twins.

As such, you may be asking yourself why am I taking this class when, for the most part, the die has been cast when it comes to the raising of my kids. First, I argue that you never know what I may learn to help me with putting the finishing touches on the successful, well adjusted adults I hope to turn loose on society in the next couple of years. Second, I will have grandkids one day, hopefully not in the next decade as everyone still has college and graduate school yet, but one day I will become a parenting coach to my kids and I wish to be a good one. Last, but still very important to me, are you my gentle reader to whom I hope to provide valuable, friendly help in your own families.

The class consists of video and written materials that are professionally done by The Love and Logic Institute, and classroom discussion provided by our facilitator, a counselor in the school district my wife works for and the kids attend school. One of the biggest advantages of this program is that corporal punishment, in fact punishment of any kind, is not necessary. Natural consequences are used to teach life lessons while the consequences are small.

For example, the child learns thrift by earning money doing chores in the home and then spending that money with very few limits from the parent. The parent actually hopes for failure, such as the child buying a cheaply made toy that breaks easily. The parent then provides empathetic love, not a lecture, and the child figures out for themselves that squandering a hard earned few dollars on a cheap plastic toy is not something they should do very often. Learning such a lesson with a toy that costs five bucks is far better than buying a first car for too much when that car has a great stereo and a bad motor.

Kids do not come with instructions, or if they do my manual was left out of the packaging… all four times! In addition, parenting changes as society changes; both in terms of challenges and in the definition of success. This means parents should constantly be on the lookout for good ideas and learning from parents who have been successful. While I am not convinced this class will solve all parenting challenges, and I still have a few questions left to be answered, the class has already proven to be helpful and I encourage you to find one in the Conroe or Montgomery County area. The program is popular and you should have little trouble finding one to fit your schedule.

Mark Altman is a speaker and leadership consultant with the Altman Leadership Center. He has graduate work in Marriage and Family Counseling and is the author of Leadership For All the Mountains You Climb. He can be reached at mark@taolc.com.

To Forgive and Forget

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." -- Mahatma Gandhi
Every so often I am floored by the actions of someone else. By this I mean a story so attention getting and inspiring, I can’t help but derive a lesson from it. Usually it takes the form of a person who rises so far above themselves and the frail, flawed, nature of who we usually are as human beings, it sucks the air out of me and causes my eyes to tear with the glimpse of what we might be; both as individuals and as a species, if we could just be as Lincoln referred “our better angels” more of the time. Sometimes the person doing the punching is fictional; the author using my buy-in of the character to teach or extol. Only rarely do I get the pleasure of meeting the people who floor me, but I am always the better for the meeting.
This week I was reminded of an incredible story of forgiveness and how that story has and continues to change lives. The story is of Amy Biehl, an American Fulbright scholar killed in 1993 while serving in South Africa. After Amy was pulled from her car, then beaten and stabbed to death, her parents found the capacity to forgive the four men convicted of Amy’s killing, not opposing the amnesty ruling of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission.
Later, the Biehl’s met, and subsequently developed a relationship with, two of the men who were involved in the killing of their daughter. Today both men work for the foundation Amy’s parents started in an effort to use art, economic development, music and sports to continue to work for peace in South Africa. In fact, in accordance with African culture and morays, the two men call the Biehl’s their parents, and during the writing of one article Mrs. Biehl actually went with one of the men to buy a car seat for the man’s young daughter. I am sure I do not have the strength to forgive the killers of one of my family members; my acknowledgement of my weakness only serves to raise my admiration of the Biehls.
In our daily lives, often we are offended by slights big and small; such as when someone cuts us off while driving, or is curt with us in the grocery store. Our inclination is to respond with rudeness for rudeness, insult for insult, temper for temper. Society tends to hold up the person with the biting, quick wit who bests such people in verbal combat and our media entertainment includes the heroism of those who use physical abuse to pay pain for pain.
This is bad enough, but this treatment extends to our marital and familial relationships as well. Because we live with these people, we can think about a stinging retort for the next time we are together. If this damage is not held in check then our loved ones look for a retort of their own and sometimes the capacity to forgive these injuries is larger than we can generate, resulting in permanent damage to these special relationships.
My aim is not to preach or point out the fact that we are all at times, all too human. My fervent hope is these extraordinary stories of forgiveness, love and tolerance will give us pause the next time someone, stranger or loved one, causes us pain; and in spite of ourselves we will find the strength to become, if only for that moment, our better angels.
Mark Altman is a speaker and leadership consultant with the Altman Leadership Center. He has graduate work in Marriage and Family Counseling and is the author of Leadership For All the Mountains You Climb. He can be reached at mark@taolc.com.

New Year's Resolution

The end of one year and the beginning of another is traditionally a time of reflection and evaluation for most of us; this is understandable, especially once a person is old, and mature, enough to recognize the finite nature of life and the desire to accomplish certain things during that life or leave behind something to those who follow. For example, I am still deeply engaged in a search for the perfect root beer float. For those of you also engaged in this critical search; first you must put a glass mug of suitable size and heft in the freezer and secure a good quality ice cream, which is not too dense. You will also need a spoon of about tablespoon size, as you need a spoon big enough to hold both the ice cream and a bit of root beer. We had better put this on hold and get to our resolutions; if you want my recipe, email me at the address below.

I suggest making no more than three resolutions. If you try to do more than a couple at a time, you are reducing your chances of being successful at any of them. Pick one or two you believe are most pressing; working on one health and one life improvement resolution allows you to feel as though you are improving across the broader scope of your life, while still focusing deeply. In my case, I would lose weight and get in better shape, but I spill my root beer float when I get on the treadmill.

New Year’s resolutions can be framed in two ways, capitalizing on what you do well or trying to improve what you are not doing well. In the US, we tend to focus on fixing the things we aren’t doing well or want to stop, but a shortcoming of this way of looking at challenges is we become fixated on the negative. On the other hand, if you focus on capitalizing on what you do well or want to do more, then you are grounded in the positive and focusing on the good in your life.

Obviously, if you are doing something destructive to yourself or others, such as illegal drug use or abusive behavior, then getting help stopping that behavior immediately is important. However, if you are eating too much for example, but enjoy bike riding, or snowshoeing, then joining a bike riding club or taking advanced snowshoeing lessons will increase how much you engage in those activities, provide more exercise, and thereby help you lose weight. This would be an example of focusing on the positive and is called appreciative inquiry.

After you decide on your resolutions and frame them in the manner most comfortable to you, write them down! Then break up the resolution into manageable, preferably daily, bites. This helps make your resolution a habit and allows you to track success.

Tell others of your resolutions so they can support you, and surround yourself with those who will provide loving support. Make sure you kindly make suggestions to your family and friends so they know how to support you better. Be sure you are a good friend and provide them the kind of support they want in achieving their resolutions as well. If they cannot be supportive, you may have to make changes in the friends you spend time with.

Last, realize that failure is only failure when you quite trying. I do not believe this to be just a trite saying. Most smokers for example have to try four times or more before quitting smoking. Many people have to start exercising several times before it becomes a habit.

We have to leave this for now, as I have run out of room and I have to go get some root beer. Have a wonderful new year full of possibility and promise!

Mark Altman is a speaker and leadership consultant with the Altman Leadership Center. He has graduate work in Marriage and Family Counseling and is the author of Leadership For All the Mountains You Climb. He can be reached at mark@taolc.com.

Winter Colds - A most unwelcome winter visitor

With a winter cold going through my family like a six year old through Christmas wrapping paper, I thought a column about avoiding winter sniffles and flu bugs would be a good idea. I will concede my judgment maybe clouded a bit given that I am popping cold pills like Pez. I will also concede that most of what I will write in this column is far from ground breaking medical research, and is as likely to come from your grandmother than the latest issue of the Journal of the AMA.
You can try digging a deep hermetically sealed bunker to spend each winter and attempt to avoid a cold or flu; but in addition to contracting cabin fever, you would miss out on the wonderful winter sports, and the sights of North Idaho covered in white. So, if living in a bunker is not your future, I first suggest trying to avoid hugging and kissing anyone who currently has a cold and washing your hands often in case holiday relatives ambush you. You can also help yourself before you even come out of your bunker by eating well, and getting plenty of rest.
The Chinese have a proverb that maintains, “The superior doctor prevents sickness; the mediocre doctor attends to impending sickness; the inferior doctor treats actual sickness.” I agree with this basic premise; all things considered, avoiding the cold or flu in the first place is the preferred course of action. This can be especially difficult if someone in your family has a cold and it falls to you to nurse them back to health. At the risk of being redundant, dispose of tissues immediately, wash your hands often, and limit how much you touch your face. If you share a keyboard or register at your work, make sure you disinfect the keyboard as often as possible.
Go to the Doc and get your flu shot. I know, some of you don’t believe in immunizations and truth be told I am not fired up about needles either, but there is now a flu immunization that is administered by a nasal mist. The flu can be fatal to certain populations such as the very young and the very old, so in addition to preventing yourself from feeling like Death warmed over for a few days, you will be doing something very nice for people you may never know.
Taking a multivitamin and even certain herbal supplements such as Echinacea are believed to help the body’s immune system, while green and black teas provide antioxidants. Honey can coat a scratchy throat, while menthol can help open nasal passages. In the last few years, I have read research documenting the benefits of chicken soup, stress reduction and, believe it or not, physical activity. Several of my family members are convinced that a hot toddy (comprised of a cup of hot water, a splash of lemon juice, a tablespoon of honey and a shot of whiskey) is helpful. They also maintain that in a pinch, all of the ingredients except the shot of whiskey are optional!
I wish you and yours a happy and very healthy New Year. Hopefully by following some of these ideas you will avoid the colds and flu so many of us will sniffle our way through. Of course, if you are so blessed to avoid being sick you could commiserate with us just a bit and not be so smug when we whine a bit.

Mark Altman is a speaker and leadership consultant with the Altman Leadership Center. He has graduate work in Marriage and Family Counseling and is the author of Leadership For All the Mountains You Climb. He can be reached at mark@taolc.com.

A Burden to Bear

The other day I had the chance to see the wonderful movie, Freedom Writers, starring Hillary Swank. This movie is about a teacher in an inner city school, Erin Gruwell, who uses a lesson about the Holocaust to begin the process of getting her students to write about their own lives and engaging in the educational process. All 150 of her students graduated High School; many have since graduated college, several are now teachers themselves and a number are actually pursuing PhDs of their own.

In this movie, Scott Glenn, Gruwell’s father makes a comment to her that is something like, “You have been blessed with a burden, how many Dad’s get to say that to their daughter’s?” While I enjoyed this movie very much and its inspirational story; I would, if I met him, have to quibble just a bit with Mr. Gruwell. His daughter is not the only daughter, or son, with a burden to bear; every parent has a child with a burden to bear.

When I say this, I am not referring to the financial and time constraints of living in the modern, western world. I am referring to the burden borne by each of us as moral and ethical persons to make our world a better place, and to alleviate the suffering of those less fortunate than us. Teaching children this lesson, like most lessons, is best done by example. Unfortunately, most of us treat this social responsibility in the same manner Churchill described our encounters with the truth, "Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened."

We recognize the work that needs to be done; we see it every day, in things large and small, and yet walk on by “as if nothing happened.” Research has shown time and again that a person’s resilience to life’s challenges increases as they perform service for those less fortunate that themselves. This phenomenon, and the benefits gained, hold true whether your challenges are relatively large or small. As your mother instinctively knew, “There is always someone less fortunate than you.”

Teaching your children compassion, empathy, and patience for others not only benefits those your child interacts with; it benefits you with more fully functioning family relationships, provides your child with tools they will need in the future in marriage and as a parent, and provides us all with kinder, warmer and more polite communities. Surely these benefits to ourselves is enough to motivate us all to serve others a little more.

With the holiday season in full swing and an economic crisis hanging like a cloud over our heads, many are tempted to use these as excuses to withhold help or put off performing service for others. I encourage all of us to help another person whenever help is needed; financial help, certainly when possible, but emotional help, compassion and a kind word go a long way as well and cost nothing more than a little empathy. I leave you with the wisdom of Albert Schweitzer, “It is not enough merely to exist. It's not enough to say, 'I'm earning enough to support my family. I do my work well. I'm a good father, husband, churchgoer.' That's all very well. But you must do something more. Seek always to do some good, somewhere.”

Mark Altman is a speaker and leadership consultant with the Altman Leadership Center. He has graduate work in Marriage and Family Counseling and is the author of Leadership For All the Mountains You Climb. He can be reached at mark@taolc.com.

Time is precious, don't wish it away

Early morning a few days ago, I found myself in a deer stand with my bow, waiting for the sun to come up. For me, this time alone is a good time to think and enjoy nature. However, like most of us, I found myself being impatient and hoping time would pass more quickly. In this case, I was impatient for the sun to rise, for the day to begin with all its promise.

I was excited to know whether I would get a chance at a mature buck, but even more anxious to see the squirrels and rabbits play, and the birds visit in the tree next to me. This anxiety led me to wishing the sun would rise, the day would start, and I would realize the potential the day held. What I wasn't, was in the moment.

That moment, that time before the sun rose, on that day, will never come again. The cool, still air would be interrupted in a few precious minutes; and with a wife, four kids and a host of relatives, the rest of my day would be filled with activity I would find difficult to escape. Therefore, the minutes I was wishing away were important and deserved to be honored and enjoyed for the glory contained in them.

This early morning revelation is something I have to remind myself of often because I tend to live my life in the future, always planning and working toward the next thing. The holiday season tends to push us to wish time would pass, so the holiday hustle and stress would end, or so we can see relatives and friends with whom we don't spend enough time. To my great fortune, several years ago I read "The Book of Virtues" by William Bennett.

In that book is the story of a little boy, who like most of us, sees the glorious spring day and wishes to be playing instead of inside a classroom. He daydreams away his education for the day, and on his way home wishes the school year would end and summer would arrive. A beautiful woman approaches and offers him a silver ball with a little thread hanging out. She explains this thread is his life thread and if he desires time to move faster when he is bored or in pain, all he has to do is pull the thread. However, when he has pulled all the thread then his life is over.

He pulls the thread when he gets bored in school, when he can't wait to marry the girl of his dreams, when his kids are sick, when he is imprisoned for his political beliefs and when he has to go to war. At the end of his life when his wife is sick and he has no money for a doctor, he pulls the thread and she is gone. . . He looks down to see golden thread coming from the ball and realizes his life is nearly over and he has missed so very much, pulling that thread.

He goes back to the stream and sits on a stump and mutters about his poor luck in owning the ball. A ragged old woman appears before him and castigates him, "You silly man, you begged for the ball despite my warning and now you bemoan the loss of your life." He tells her he is sorry and he didn't realize that the bad times of his life were important and sacred too. She offers to take back the ball on the condition he never again wishes for time to pass quickly. When gratefully he agrees, he awakens as a boy, having simply fallen asleep during lessons.

I remind myself of this story anytime I find myself wishing for time to pass quickly. I hope during the stress of the holidays and what the New Year might bring you, this story brings you the lesson and solace it brings me.

Mark Altman is a speaker and leadership consultant with the Altman Leadership Center. Mark has completed graduate work in Marriage and Family Counseling and is working on a Ph.D. in Leadership studies at Texas A&M University. He is happy to speak or provide a workshop for your organization and can be reached at mark@taolc.com.